After years of supporting countless people in countless ways, and advocating relentlessly for so many issues, I have decided that I am no longer willing to put myself in a position of giving and not receiving.
For work colleagues, friends, acquaintances, students in my year who elected me student representative, people who's cases we worked on (though that's work but I still went above and beyond) and basically, almost all people in my life - I have always been there for them.
When someone shares on their story that they are upset - I reach out and let them know they don't have to feel alone, but have no obligation to talk to me either of course. I am only reaching out to say, if you need it, I am here for what I can be. This happens very often.
Unfortunately, not once have any of those same people ever bothered to enquire after me, and whether me and my family are ok. You know what, those same people don't even bother to like my posts - even when I share silly hair photos - this is going back months and months.
I don't give with the pretence to expect in return - but after the 50th time of being there for people, even when they show absolutely no interest in me beyond clicking on my story, I think its time to cut the cord.
Everyone I knew from work, everyone I knew from school, everyone I had always been there for, made time for, listened to - everyone who would message me thanking me for being so sweet, kind, patient, listening to them, helping them:
Not one of those people ever checked in on me. Not one of those people ever messaged me to say, hey - did you manage to find a new job? How are you coping? Is your BF ok? How are you settling in to your new home so far away? Are you guys alright?
They will view my story every single day - every day, every slide of my story - but they will not text me. They won't message me. They won't engage with me at all. Is that supposed to be normal? Are we supposed to condone this strange, sociopathic behaviour? Isn't that just stalking? Seriously - social media is turning everyone into weirdos!
In fact if I wasn't sharing on my story, what would they be doing? If they don't reach out even when they see a reason to, you can forget about them reaching out in their own right.
Are they my "friend"? Do these people know how to be friends without instagram? Do they think viewing a story is being a friend?
What does that say? How incredibly sad and selfish is it, that people whom I have truly been there for, have not once bothered to check in on me. No one ever sent me a "hey! I haven't heard from you in a while, all good?"
I have to now realize that this isn't really friendship or a positive relationship. I will no longer be communicating with any of these people ever again, I don't care how harsh this sounds. I refuse to keep giving and not receiving.
I no longer want to share information and have it fall on ears which don't care, can't be bothered, aren't interested, etc etc. I no longer want to share fun videos and photos that I spend time having fun making. Why? Why should I give people a window into my life for free, when they don't really have any true interest in me as a person or as an individual?
It is not ok to just view someones story every single day but never actually talk to them. It is literally always me who reaches out, and checks in on them. They'll answer and talk to me for ages about how they feel, what they are worried about, and so on.....but.....won't ever remember to check in on me.
I just don't think that's fair or healthy. Now that I even type it out, I feel like even more of a moron. How could I have kept making excuses for people like this?
Anything that I care about - people's financial hardship, immigration, prison reform, lack of equal treatment, the degradation of women's rights under the pretence of progress for "trans" rights, animal rights and liberation
Again, barring a few close people - no one seems to want to join me in any of these important issues. Fine - perhaps to them these don't matter. That's fine.
But we do only have one Earth. I guess people are too preoccupied with selfies and food photos to take a stand on anything other than what the mainstream media tells them to.
Petition for George Floyd? over 15 million signatures. Petition for financial help during the virus? Barely 100,000.
Really, people should be ashamed of themselves. I'm not sorry to state this and I genuinely don't care if I lose friends or followers over these statements. I'm totally sorry if this sounds harsh - and I am not upset or frustrated - but it's just silly. It is silly to pretend like you care about something.....but then not care enough to check in on someone who you consider is your friend. And then, not care about any other issues, because, at the moment, after the BLM media storm, no one is posting anything but nights out, makeup, hairstyles, food they ate, workouts, and so on and so on.
It just really bugs me that people thought they were social justice warriors for like a split second and now it's back to food photos and selfies. The fakeness of social media really gets to me, personally.
I am also no longer accepting people's made up excuses about why they didn't reply to me or couldn't get back to me. So you can view my story but you can't reply to a text or an Instagram message........I'm really so confused.
So, quite frankly, after years and years of being there for everyone and their mothers, quite literally - I've had enough.
I've had enough of people continuing to ignore how much of a slippery slope the world around them is on. I've had enough of people ignoring the horrendous animal rights crisis just because they like the taste of something.
I've had enough of people ignoring hugely important issues like the Muslim persecution in China.
I've had enough of people who consider themselves my friends, who thank me and say I was the only one there for them, -- but those same people have actually never reached out to me. can you believe it? I was never super close with them, but you'd think that after a few months of no contact, seeing as I was always so supportive of you, that you may send me a hello and see if I'm ok too?
That isn't a weird thing to ask for is it?
So to all these people - no, we are not friends. And I don't think we ever were. I thought we were, but let's be honest, friendship isn't one sided. Friendship isn't about one person always giving, always accepting anything you say, and always being there for you.
Without social media, many of these people whom I now removed from my account, and have set it to private, we would not even be in touch. In the nineties if you didn't take someone's home number or pager you would never hear from them again. you had to make some kind of initial effort to be in touch, to be friends. you had to come over to the persons house - drive there, bus there, walk there.
Friendship required effort.
Now, "friendship" requires viewing things anonymously, scrolling on a "story", and clicking a button.
It's disgusting. So I'm done.
I will no longer be posting on Instagram, I will no longer share any information on there, or anything at all.
I will be writing regularly again on this blog, and will only communicate through text, or email to everyone but the six people mentioned above. My family and my partner are excluded from my vow of silence. As in, I will talk to them in real life.
I don't care if this inspires anyone to come off social media. I don't care if this inspires anyone to look at the world around them and think, hm, is there something more I should be doing? I don't care if this inspires anyone to make more of an effort to reach out.
I am not doing this for those reasons, I am doing it for my own emotional well being and I am doing it for the millions of animals, and people, suffering worldwide. The voices of these all go unheard, now mine will too.
