Aside from it being necessary to create boundaries in order to preserve our physical and mental well-being, it is also necessary to realize when we are hurting ourselves, the more we make excuses for the behaviour of others.
It is usually easier, or our first port of call to turn inward, and blame ourselves or question ourselves in the midst of problems with others. However, this is damaging and unnecessary behaviour - but most importantly, I have learned that it is crucial to begin putting myself first.
This space was never created for anyone but me - just like my personal Instagram was. However, due to my nature (activist, researcher etc), anything I find out about, and see is important for us to take a stand on, be aware of, and fight for, becomes pretty consuming and I naturally want to act on it.
Slowly, my personal Instagram where I was enjoying color coordinating posts, eventually became a place where I felt it was important - or a duty - to make sure I could share important information with others.
Likewise, I created this blog because I was doing so much research as the virus broke out, and having found such a strong amount of evidence demonstrating that there are nefarious things taking place, I personally felt a huge urgency to put it together and write it all out.
However, this is not a place where I will only share information, or only share important posts. This is my own space. If I want to use it as an online diary, I will. I basically live alone, and have no friends or contact with anybody, unless it is over text or the phone. This is a pretty damn difficult existence for me at the moment. I love shopping, (even if just for records) going out, having fun, dancing, having parties, and so on - but I have no friends and nobody to do this with.
What's worse, and this is what leads me to the point of this post - as I was struggling and brining up these issues - I was told "well, you knew what you were coming down to"
What was my first reaction? I looked inwards, accepted this ridiculous comment as true, and thought....yes, I guess that's true.
Actually - it is completely wrong. I thought I was coming down to family. I thought I was coming down to friends. I thought I was coming down to a normal place where I would carry on doing normal things - such as being myself - inviting people over, throwing parties, inviting people out, and so on.
But what do I have? I have nothing. No family, no friends, no support, no one who answers me if I want to go out, no one who answers me even when I ask a simple question, -- in short, I have no family, even though I thought I might have at least some.
Seriously -- I am horrendously angry at this situation, and the strain and emotional weight its putting on me, is just too much.
So, I am done making excuses for others just because I want friends, or need companionship. If people would be rude, or hurt me, or say stupid things, I would always move on from it, and just think, well, they don't know any better so I can't hold it against them.
But you know what? Why should I do that? I am not interested in fake people, or fake "friends". I will no longer make excuses for other people's bad behaviour because I want to believe the best in them.
Frankly, there comes a time when making excuses for people just becomes downright gas lighting - that I do to myself. It's really bad for my emotional well-being and, I suggest it's horrible for anyone's emotional well being.
So next time someone says something stupid, or rude to you, and they are meant to be your friend -- take a step back. how many times have they done that? how many times have you excused it? how many times have you said, it's ok, you can't blame them for not getting it? how many times have you maybe even doubted yourself, or thought you were somehow to blame?
If you recognise a pattern - it's time for more than just boundaries with that individual. by all means, everyone knows what's best. For me, however, it is no longer about just setting a boundary and only seeing/accepting those people from time to time, or in certain occasions. For me, it now makes the most sense to cut the cord entirely. If I have done you no harm - and if you know me well, you know full well I just don't harm people - in fact, I always go above and beyond to ask after them and help them -- then I deserve the same level of treatment back.
So no. I will no longer make excuses for other people's bad behaviours. My emotional well being is at a breaking point due to loads of stress factors, and having nobody to talk to. Twice, I've woken up crying and with a huge pain in my chest.
So, if you have nothing to offer me, and you have no kindness to give - for kindness is all I ask for; asking after me is all I ask for; checking in on me is all I ask for; a reply to my texts is all I ask for; a thoughtful message or text when you know how much I'm struggling is all I ask for; if you can not do even one of these things.......you have got to look in the mirror cuz I think Medusa may well be staring back.
Should I hashtag "no time for drama"? or "no time for self-centred narcissistic people"?